Saturday, July 19, 2008



i just got my mind blown again by bay area culture (which is what i came out here to get blown.)

Performance tonight: "Cimarronaje: A Neofolkloric Journey Celebrating the Lives of Revolutionary Puerto Rican Women"

it was incredible!!!!!!!!!!! gave me so much hope about my own situation of losing my kids to church and state! the more we stand up against both, the more we lose, but the more we also gain!!!!!!!!!!!

the struggle is soooooooooo worth it!

amazing spirit in the performers. they told the stories of these revolutionary women, not just with their talking voices, which wove incredible oral history in with the astounding music, but they told it with the movement of their hips, their skirts, their eyes, their shoulders.

wow! this was a transformative night!

and i feel so deeply loved.

my lover came and brought me a cupcake last night even though it was friday! (cupcake wednesday is our tradition but i'd been busy at queer sangha on wed.) yummy white cake with real chocolate butter frosting. mmmmmmmm

then this morning he showed up with his playful sensations toy bag and proceeded to give me mind blowing orgasms all day. i swear each time he makes love to me on our "days of the feast of all senses" he finds some new way to make me come! last night, he made me come just from sucking on my nipple. of course, he'd already made me come from drinking my mango juice. he loves push me up high so that i'm sitting up on my bed, spread my legs, and go to town on my clit and cuntie. he adores my juices. he's pretty astounding as a lover. we have explosive sex all the time and i've never, i mean NEVER had it so good. what woman wouldn't love a man who adores going down on her? and i mean he seriously adores it. he loves to talk about how good i taste and he loves to lick his fingers after he fucks me with them.

damn, that boy is so hot.

and he's so hilarious too! instead of serious bdsm toys, he bought what he calls a "thwapper." one of those fake reflex hammers which clowns use to hammer people but they don't hurt, they just make a silly honking sound. he couldn't wait to use it on me. he was so adorable, like a little kid. we really bring out the playful inner child in each other. he also got a stethoscope with a plunger on the end just like clowns use; now normally i hate clowns. always have since my dad and mom took me to the circus. but this boy, he's so fine. he used the plunger to cover my breast and kiss me deeply. we were giggling so hard!

he told me about this movie he'd seen with the ROCK, the only "pro" ie fake, wrestler i've ever loved, called game plan. in it, this arrogant sports star has his world turned around by a little child who turns out to be his daughter; she bedazzles every one of his prized possessions, heisman trophy, autographed pictures, etc. so my lover said we should bedazzle each other when i showed him the dessert i'd gotten him from the farmer's market: raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and whipped cream.

so i did.

it was sooooooooooo much fun!

we laughed so hard.

i sprayed whipped cream all over his torso - i fucking love that man's chest! - in a big hourglass figure outlining his manly chest hair while i was astride him and we were buck nekkid.

then i decorated him with the red and blue berries. then i slurped them up with my tongue and offered him some while french kissing him.

daYmn, that was fun!

what a great weekend!

and my sweet boyfriend called me whom i adore.

we're planning when our next vacation together is.

he's my biggest cheerleader. i told him all about the bomberas and how i can place my own struggle (to protect my kids and losing them to the batterer) in historical context with other revolutionaries.

battered women are often isolated and shamed.

that dance tonight made me want to shout from the rooftops that i'll never be ashamed of being a battered woman. i'll wear my scars proudly like a war hero! i'm a peace shero! i'm a brave rainbow warrior! i did my best to secure a safe place for myself and my kids and i've done it. even if they don't choose my route of freedom and self awareness and radical living, at least they have a good example! and i'll fight church and state to the death and never give up on telling my story of how i got away - who knows who it might save? who knows who might get inspiration from my story just like i got inspiration from the stories of the revolutionary women from puerto rico?

women who were enslaved from west africa, shipped to the "new" world, put to work on plantations owned by evil colonizers, first the spanish empire, then the american one. women who lost children, women who were raped and beaten, women who were imprisoned, women who were shamed and publicly humiliated, women who lost everything they had.

they are MY heritage too! so there!

so i'll fuck who i want, when i want, and i'll dance to whatever music i want to, and i'll love whom i please. and i won't apologize or bow my head. i'll stand up proudly and take bold measures, and i'll speak up in meetings and i'll act out!

and i'll have a blast doing it!

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